Great Uncle Fred? Sometimes my Mum and Dad argue and it is so silly. They argue about stuff like whose turn it is to take the rubbish out and it’s so annoying because I do not know anyone older than six who has such silly arguments as my Mum and Dad, apart from some of my friends’ Mums and Dads. The thing is, they (my Mum and Dad) seem to like each other as well. They like doing things together and sometimes I catch them giving out kisses and I do not think they will ever split up. And I really really like it when they are getting along and it’s just us three. I can’t help it - I just really like it. And I want to have a wife when I am grown-up as I am sure that I would prefer to have a wife than to have lots of girlfriends or to be alone. My Uncle Bruce sometimes has lots of girlfriends, sometimes he is alone, and he has never married - and I do not want to be like my Uncle Bruce. So I was concerned about being alone especially when I remembered that I have never had a girlfriend. I just could not understand how anyone could find someone to marry from all the millions and millions of people in the world, and if you did think you wanted to marry this one person, how would you know that they were the right person? You might get married and then your wife or your husband, (this is probably just as hard for girls) might turn out to be less nice than you thought. What then? Great Uncle Fred, how do you find someone to marry? (Jack, Autumn 2007)

Try not to worry so much, Jack. I feel certain that things will work out for you in this regard. You are not even permitted by law to be married yet, so do your utmost to exercise patience. However, this is a matter of no little importance and I suppose it does you credit to be concerned about it and you are not, as some might suppose, a precocious little squit. The thing is, marriage is an adventure and in common with other adventures, you cannot know what to expect. Some people, quite a lot of people actually, find that the adventure that they have embarked upon is for some reason not what they expected or in some manner not to their liking, and they jump ship, normally in search of another adventure more suited to their particular desires, or delusions. (There are about 300,000 marriages a year in Britain and about 150,000 divorces; marriages that end in divorce last on average about 11.5 years.) The split might happen because someone is at fault and it might happen for reasons of sheer misfortune. That’s the risk that adventurers take. Those who are committed to the adventure, meanwhile, do not always appear to be behaving altogether politely to one another. Do not think too harshly about them. The storms with which they are contending, the leaky hull and the pitiful amount of rations, might well be invisible to all but the two heroic sailors. People raise their voices when weather is inclement. But how do you find someone to go on adventure with in the first place? That is, I concede, something of a mystery but it does seem that, ‘There is someone for everyone and Tommy’s girl was Becky’ , as the song goes. Things do tend to work out all right but, to be practical, I think it’s probably best in this time and culture to see what it’s like stepping out with a few people first, before you think about getting married. Concentrate on having fun. Get to know yourself. Be kind. Try not to break any hearts but let your own heart be broken (it will mend). Consider the subject of love. And then, one day, when you are wondering if you will ever find the only one for you, into the room will walk a lass and whoooosh! there will be no choice. And if she feels roughly the same, the adventure will start right away. Does that begin to answer your question? Remember - no rush! And trust in love!

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