I went to a party yesterday. I don`t want to talk about it. But it has made me want to ask you this. How do you walk into a room full of strangers? (David, Spring 2008

Your question presumably has an unspoken part, something along the lines of, `and feel at ease with them and with yourself`. If it did not have that unspoken part, it would be quite a funny question as the answer could only be, `You put one foot in front of the other - it is the best way to walk`. But I understand your concern, indeed your bafflement, as I can remember that state of mind myself and even now there are occasions when I feel, if only for a few moments, that I am back in it. And the way out of it, now as it has always been, is to give myself a wee quick talking-to. Can you divide yourself into two people, David? That`s the trick. Let the David who is alarmed and panicky sit down and listen to the David who is sensible. And the sensible David will say sensible things like, perhaps, `They are only people, they have their scared sides too, you have been asked to this party so they must want to see you, just be yourself, act naturally, who is the scariest person in the room? Well, imagine him or her on the loo! See? Not so scary, now. You are a marvellous creature, David, think of your body and your fantastic brain, do not be overcome by a fear of nothing much at all, enjoy the moment!` I know from my own experience that words like these ones can be hard to hear when shyness is at its worst and you can hardly speak at all but, if so, you must keep telling yourself that the occasion, whatever it is, is not worth such fear. Excuse yourself, go outside, breathe deeply, speak sensible words to yourself, return - and enjoy! Do this more than once and you will have cracked it. You must believe that it`s possible, David, because it is. Even you have it in you to know what it is like to walk into a room full of strangers, and not just feel unfrightened but actually happy about it. Believe me.

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